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Steal Yourself for a Brighter Day

Gill O'Halloran

It’s impossible for my dad to push me through the utility window; I'm not that small. “Lard-arse!” Saliva sticks the curse to the nape of my neck as he yanks me down. “Gotta be the broken one then.”


I don’t want to.


I eye up the larger window’s jagged edges. My dad pulls out a couple of shards. “I'll give you a leg up.”


I nod. I don’t want to.


He lifts me up, squeezes my toothpaste body through the opening. Trousers splinter-rent, sucking glass needles from my finger as I land. “See the front door?”


From upstairs, the click of a bedroom door opening, a slippered footfall. Press myself into the wall and will myself into a blackout. I can’t answer him but if I don’t, he’ll call out again.


STFU. This is a bad word my dad says to my mother, and it makes her be quiet. My larynx throttles a giggle. A clock beats out the red adrenaline pump-pump of my heart.


Sound of the door upstairs closing. Nothing….Nothing.


Dart to the front door, wrap my tee-shirt around the key, pull back the bolt. “Attaboy, squib.” We’re house clearance specialists. Dad, silver pots, heavy ornaments. Me, trinkets. I spot a large diamond ring, glance over my shoulder, steal it down my trousers into my underpants. Transient overlords, we leave by the front and down the driveway. At the bus-shelter my dad lights me a Marlboro, his face sallow in the hiss of a match-flare. As we exhale, he ruffles my hair. “Good job squib.”


I nod. It’s mineI earnt it. I’ll sell it, run away, find a better dad.


In its hiding place, the diamond waits for the dawn, waits to disperse that single ray into a multifaceted dazzle, all the possible futures a small boy can picture, will one day seize.

Gill O’ Halloran’s poetry book ‘This Seven Year Old Walks Into a Bar’ was included in the top 20 individual collections of 2009 by the Small Press Poetry Awards. She runs poetry workshops, most recently for nature-lovers, but often on themes of loss. She’s recently returned to writing and enjoys squeezing stories into tight spaces. Her entry for June 2024’s Bath Flash Fiction Award was longlisted and will be published end of 2024. She has a flash published in inaugural issue of Trash Cat Lit.

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