Under the Bed
Leigh Doughty
When my mum nags or when the house is too noisy, I leave the living room and hide under my bed. This place is my haven because it's dark and it's quiet and nobody can see me and I can see nobody, except sometimes their feet when they eventually come to find me.
Even when they do find me, they can't get to me when I’m under the bed. My mum is too large and so is my older brother. They can come to the edge of the bed and try to grab me but I just crawl deeper and push my back against the wall, and there I am safe.
One time they tried to be clever as they poked a broom handle under the bed and into my stomach. They got a few lucky jabs into me before I howled long and loud, and when the moment struck I managed to yank the broom away from them.
I’m the only person who’s able to crawl under the bed.
My dog can crawl under the bed but he’s not a person so the last sentence is true. When he does, he lays against my stomach and he licks my arm with his warm breath and it feels good and it always makes me calm. I want to make him happy so sometimes even though I don't feel happy, I will try to pretend to be happy, because I really want my dog to be happy.
But when it's really bad my dog cries and when he does I cry like my dog too, and this makes my mum even more angry.
Sometimes she gives up on trying to help me and sits on the bed and weeps. I know she’s crying even though she doesn't cry like a dog because she breathes heavily and every so often she sniffs up the snot that comes out her nose.
When she cries I feel bad but I don’t want to tell her I feel bad because I don't want her to ever do it again. If she knows I feel bad when she cries she could use it against me and then I’d never be able to hide under the bed and cry like a dog.
When I didn't cry like a dog, everyone said I was quiet and asked me why I didn't talk. When I cried like a dog, they listened and they knew that I was upset.
When my family knows I’m sad they can do two things: they can try and help, which they can't do, but it's nice that they try - or they can leave me alone and let me cry for a while - which is all I really wanted from the beginning.
Today they left me alone to cry like a dog under the bed.
It's dark under here and I can barely hear the TV from the living room. My dog is also under the bed with me and he’s panting because it's hot. His breath smells of old meat and biscuits and even though it's a bad smell, I like it all the same. I run my hand over his fur as he keeps panting and I feel happy in my quiet little space under the bed.
Leigh Doughty is a writer and a language tutor from Lincoln, UK. His work can be found in Twist and Twain, Subliminal, and the Meridian Magazine.